Before Punkin got sick I know that I said quite a few times that if anything ever happened to her I would positively NOT be getting another pet any time soon.  Or ever.  It’s messy, stressful, expensive and annoying to have some loud hairy creature in your house.  And they all have a distinct set of rules, but who writes the rule books?  Your guess is as good as mine.  Little did I know that I had no idea what I was talking about.  I was immediately torn between the necessity of “honoring” the mourning period and the intense need for something small and fuzzy at my feet.  I agreed with Brian that we should take some time (a few days… lol!) to have a break, but it was impossible to walk into a pet-less house.  And unfathomable to spend any time in that house without something either in my lap or curled up beside me.  So, I starting jonesing for another animal way too soon, much to Brian’s chagrin.  So what?  My happiness is more important than his “break”, right?  I thought so.

So, at the 5-day post mortem mark it was suggested to me that I look at a little boy beagle puppy that was posted on the net.  Now, I have had a couple dogs, but in general I am obviously a cat girl.  But, the sight of this puppy converted me.  Well… maybe not completely, but it did make me have visions of puppy feet dancing in my head.  And of course, there was the promise of spending more time with my close friend who happens to have a little girl beagle puppy… and the prospect of puppies!!!!  So, I jumped on board.  Unfortunately this puppy’s (whose name was Riley) owner, Iris in Powder Springs, didn’t know that when you tell someone that you’re not available to introduce them to their new puppy until 3:00 on Wednesday then you’re supposed to CALL THEM if you become available any sooner.   So, he was taken away early.  I certainly hope his new owner is smarter and less irritating than the previous.

This began a frantic search for a boy beagle puppy who had not been neutered and wasn’t so expensive that I would have to take out a loan.  By early afternoon on the same day I found “Chip”.  He was a 10 month old blond boy beagle living in Roswell with two other dogs.  So, I went to meet him and within an hour I was bringing him home.

Now, I am a proud dog owner.  “Chip” has had his name changed to “Camryn” and has proven to be a really good boy other than a few casualties here and there such as a decapitated action figure or two.  That’s not such a bad thing, since it keeps my house free of kid toys for fear of them becoming puppy toys.

I miss Punkin.  I miss kitty paws and soft fur and I miss being the only one in the house that she would have anything to do with.  But in the end, I have learned to explore new territory, open my mind to new things and I can honestly say that  SO FAR I am glad that we have a new furry thing in my house.

He will be missed.  I’ll be praying for his family and his beautiful wife. 

Love you, friend.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 @ Pizza Hut in Union City, GA:  Braedon (6) – “I’ve got x-ray vision!  I can see through windows!”

Same time: Gavin (3) – “You’re going Down!  Down, I said!”

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 in the car after hearing a loud clap of thunder and trying to get home before the storm started: Braedon (6) – “Mama, can you put a force field around this thing?”

Summer of 2009 playing in the pool, I attempted to throw a football to Braedon (5) and it slipped out of my hand, landing a foot in front of me.  He said, “How’d that work out for ya?”

Wednesday, September 2, 2009 – Gavin (3) returned from school and announced that he had learned a new story about “Me, Shadrach, and a billy goat.”  (aka Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009 – Gavin (3) got a visit at his school from firefighters.  I asked questions to see what he learned.  His response to “what would you do if your clothes caught on fire?” was, “take ‘em off and buy new ones.”

Monday, September 21, 2009 – Gavin (3) must have Bible story overload.  His dream last night was about “all the animals went to the burning bush and got burned up.”

I just had a visit with a friend that I spent quite a bit of time with in high school.  She has recently moved back to her parents’ house while her family’s new home is being built and walking into that house that I haven’t set foot in in about 20 years just caused images from my teenage years to flood back.  

I remembered endless games of “truth or dare” and hikes through the woods in the middle of the night to paint her brother’s face with makeup and bring back a pair of his boxers to prove we’d done it.  I remembered late night cow tipping excursions and dance moves we made up to various songs.  I would truly be mortified if any of that was videotaped!  

I wish, sometimes, that I was still 14 years old.  I think that those were the best times of my life.  However, my friend seemed to have forgotten so many of the things that make me nostalgic.  My keen sense of memory is a curse.  I wouldn’t miss feelings that I didn’t remember existed.  I wish there were some way to copy all of the images and audio from all the things from my past that cloud up my present to a disc.  Then I could erase them from my mind and only let them surface when I popped that disc into a player.  I may even forget where I put the disc!  

My question… do I spend my future trying to regain the awesomeness of my past?  Or am I supposed to create a new set of memories?  I’m stuck somewhere in the middle.  

Right now, I’d just like to put a filter on what my brain recalls.  It would make it much easier to sleep.

So far, while scanning my ipod’s most played tracks, I’ve noticed that either I have no idea who I am at all, or I truly do enjoy a wide range of genres and styles.  Every song I hear elicits some feeling or memory and some take me to my “happy place” and for a few minutes I forget the things that take me to the “dark place”.  Some take me to the “dark place” so I can relish in my self-loathing and somehow when I find my way back it’s always a little surprising how the highs are SOOO much higher than the lows.  

I think I must just be a musical chameleon.  Without sounding like I’m tooting my own horn, I can say that I like the fact that I have the ability to identify with a wide range of personalities.  When in Rome…  Maybe I’m that way with my musical preferences.  I find some connection with many different styles and in some way I can find common ground with others who tend to stick with the one that identifies them.  Does that mean I don’t have an identity of my own?  Or that I just fake it so that I can “mesh” with whoever I’m around?  

So, looking at my absolute favorite songs – the ones I tend to ALWAYS stop on when the shuffle comes around to them – I’m going to analyze myself for a minute.  Here’s the list, in no particular order:

Misery – Pink & Steven Tyler

Heavenly Day – Patty Griffin

Your House – Alanis Morrisette

Apologize – Timbaland & One Republic

O.K.  So there are 4.  And this may or may not be the extensive list.  But, based on these four, here’s my analysis.

“Misery” is a good bluesy song with a little bit of angst and a whole lot of “poor me”.  I like it just because it’s fun to sing along with.  Fun… no, maybe just possible.  As far as the message goes, it’s about people who just keep on finding bad luck in love.  ”And Oh, I’ve been down this road before, where the passion it turns into pain.  But each time I saw love walk out the door I swore I’d never get caught again.  But ain’t it true it takes what it takes and sometimes we get too smart too late.  One more heartache for me, another night in misery.”  

Next, is “Heavenly Day”.  I first heard this song sung at a wedding.  Kind-of odd, but pretty appropriate.  This is my “happy place” song.  It talks of trees swaying in the breeze and just generally being happy, if just for one day.  Again, I enjoy singing along with it, but I also like the carefree feeling that it seems to bring out.  ”Tomorrow may rain with sorrow.  Here’s a little time we can borrow.  Forget all our troubles in these moments so few.  All we’ve got right now, the only thing that All we really have to do Is have ourselves a heavenly day.  Lay here and watch the trees sway.  Oh, can’t see no other way, no way, no way Heavenly day.”  Pretty feel-good, huh?

“Your House”  Now that’s the stalker’s theme song.  I have no idea what was going to Alanis’ head when she wrote this, or if she even wrote it, but whoever did was having some serious voyeur issues.  This is a hidden track at the end of her “Jagged Little Pill” album.  I love that on the album it’s done a capella.  I like that version.  The only version I could find on iTunes was with accompaniment, and it’s great, but does no justice for the feel of the original.  I think something about hearing her sing it with no music behind her just adds to the whole “all alone – sneaking around” vibe.  Anyway… Next…

Last is “Apologize”.  I first heard this on “So You Think You Can Dance”.  The choreography during the performance was absolutely the most emotional I’ve ever seen and I just fell in love with the song.  The words are pretty good… “I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue And you say sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you, but I’m afraid It’s too late to apologize.”  Sorry, but if those lyrics don’t get you feeling something, then your heart is just plain ice.  

So… my final analysis is that I am a miserable, happy stalker that doesn’t accept apologies.  Hm.  Sounds a little bit accurate.  What do you think?

go go go go now
out of the nest it’s time
go go go now 
circus girl without a safety net 
here here here now don’t cry 
you raised your hand
for the assignment
tuck those ribbons under your helmet 
be a good soldier 
first my left foot
then my right behind the OTHER
pantyhose running in the cold

mother the car is here
somebody leave the light on 
green limousine for the redhead
DANCING dancing girl 
and when i dance for him 
somebody leave the light on 
just in just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come from 

i walked into your dream 
and now i’ve forgotten
how to dream my own dream
you are the CLEVER one aren’t you 
brides in veils for you
we told you all of our secrets
all but one
so don’t you even try
the phone has been disconnected 
dripping with blood and with time
and with your advice
poison me against the MOON

mother the car is here
somebody leave the light on
black chariot for the redhead
DANCING dancing girl 
he’s gonna change my name
maybe you’ll leave the light on 
just in just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come from 

i escape into your escape
into our very favorite fearscape
it’s across the sky and i cross my heart
and i cross my legs oh my god 
first my left foot
then my right behind the other
breadcrumbs lost under the snow

oo who mother
oo mother the car is here
maybe maybe you’ll leave the light on 
for the for the for the dancing girl
he’s gonna change my name
maybe you’ll leave the light
just in case i like the dancing
i can remember where i come come from 

mother mother mother

So, I believe that the proper thing to do in this case is to hang it up for the night.  I’ll get back to it when the notion strikes.  Maybe a note pad would help me remember all the times during the day that I have said, “Now, that’s something I should blog about!”  

Until next time….

Another on my list is “upar” (short for “up there”).  Really?  Is it that difficult to say it properly?  I mean… I’ve heard the Jeff Foxworthy bits about “geeownoutaheer”.  And I admit, it is pretty amusing coming from him.  But, he is paid to be funny.  Surely no one with any amount of education would actually communicate this way! 

Now, there are those few things that are considered “Southernisms” that are quite endearing.  One of which is “hey, how ya doin’, how’s ya mommanem?”  You just picture a skinny little lady wearing red lipstick and closed-toe pumps carrying an umbrella talking to the town hottie.  The most popular has to be “how r y’all”.  Or just plain “y’all”.  This word could be singular or plural, it could refer to a group of people, a group of dogs, or just to the person standing in front of you.  Then, there’s “jew”.  That’s a question, by the way.   Like “did you?”  This can be made plural by combining it with “y’all”.  Ex: “j’all” 

So… here’s a list of a few more.  Feel free to add more!

Y’onder – that way – “He went up yonder to set for a spell.”

Deddy – Your father – “Where’s your deddy?”

Mess – a bunch of something – “I’m gonna fix a mess o’ collards fer supper tonight.”

Fixin’ to – Just about to do something – “Me ‘n yer deddy are fixin’ to head up to the Wall Marts.”

Plum – totally – “You’re jest plum cute!”

Didja – Did you – “You did-n bring yer truck widja, didja?”

Caddywompus – Crooked or wrong – “Can you straighten that picture?  It looks all caddywompus.”

Sumpin – Something – “You cain’t go to dinner on the grounds without bringing sumpin to eat.”

Dinner – Lunch – “We had grilled cheese sammiches for dinner.”

Supper – Dinner – “Hey, grandpaw, what’s fer supper?”

Reckon – I suppose – “I reckon I should quit goofin’ off and get to work.”