Jeanniemlee’s Blog

So, lately I’ve been exploring myself a little – what I really do like and dislike and why and whether or not I really prefer these things because that’s the general consensus or because I actually do have preferences.  I’ve known for years that I tend to stick with whatever kind of music the person I’m with likes.  If I’m with the redneck type, I tend to like country.  Or if I’m with someone that’s more “hip” (for lack of a better term) then I’ll listen to pop or even hip-hop if my need to impress outweighs my detest for hip-hop.  So, like Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride”, I’m trying each variety of “eggs” and deciding which one I actually do like.  

So far, while scanning my ipod’s most played tracks, I’ve noticed that either I have no idea who I am at all, or I truly do enjoy a wide range of genres and styles.  Every song I hear elicits some feeling or memory and some take me to my “happy place” and for a few minutes I forget the things that take me to the “dark place”.  Some take me to the “dark place” so I can relish in my self-loathing and somehow when I find my way back it’s always a little surprising how the highs are SOOO much higher than the lows.  

I think I must just be a musical chameleon.  Without sounding like I’m tooting my own horn, I can say that I like the fact that I have the ability to identify with a wide range of personalities.  When in Rome…  Maybe I’m that way with my musical preferences.  I find some connection with many different styles and in some way I can find common ground with others who tend to stick with the one that identifies them.  Does that mean I don’t have an identity of my own?  Or that I just fake it so that I can “mesh” with whoever I’m around?  

So, looking at my absolute favorite songs – the ones I tend to ALWAYS stop on when the shuffle comes around to them – I’m going to analyze myself for a minute.  Here’s the list, in no particular order:

Misery – Pink & Steven Tyler

Heavenly Day – Patty Griffin

Your House – Alanis Morrisette

Apologize – Timbaland & One Republic

O.K.  So there are 4.  And this may or may not be the extensive list.  But, based on these four, here’s my analysis.

“Misery” is a good bluesy song with a little bit of angst and a whole lot of “poor me”.  I like it just because it’s fun to sing along with.  Fun… no, maybe just possible.  As far as the message goes, it’s about people who just keep on finding bad luck in love.  ”And Oh, I’ve been down this road before, where the passion it turns into pain.  But each time I saw love walk out the door I swore I’d never get caught again.  But ain’t it true it takes what it takes and sometimes we get too smart too late.  One more heartache for me, another night in misery.”  

Next, is “Heavenly Day”.  I first heard this song sung at a wedding.  Kind-of odd, but pretty appropriate.  This is my “happy place” song.  It talks of trees swaying in the breeze and just generally being happy, if just for one day.  Again, I enjoy singing along with it, but I also like the carefree feeling that it seems to bring out.  ”Tomorrow may rain with sorrow.  Here’s a little time we can borrow.  Forget all our troubles in these moments so few.  All we’ve got right now, the only thing that All we really have to do Is have ourselves a heavenly day.  Lay here and watch the trees sway.  Oh, can’t see no other way, no way, no way Heavenly day.”  Pretty feel-good, huh?

“Your House”  Now that’s the stalker’s theme song.  I have no idea what was going to Alanis’ head when she wrote this, or if she even wrote it, but whoever did was having some serious voyeur issues.  This is a hidden track at the end of her “Jagged Little Pill” album.  I love that on the album it’s done a capella.  I like that version.  The only version I could find on iTunes was with accompaniment, and it’s great, but does no justice for the feel of the original.  I think something about hearing her sing it with no music behind her just adds to the whole “all alone – sneaking around” vibe.  Anyway… Next…

Last is “Apologize”.  I first heard this on “So You Think You Can Dance”.  The choreography during the performance was absolutely the most emotional I’ve ever seen and I just fell in love with the song.  The words are pretty good… “I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue And you say sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you, but I’m afraid It’s too late to apologize.”  Sorry, but if those lyrics don’t get you feeling something, then your heart is just plain ice.  

So… my final analysis is that I am a miserable, happy stalker that doesn’t accept apologies.  Hm.  Sounds a little bit accurate.  What do you think?